attentuated reality-another interpretation

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each prayer accepted, and each wish resigned.
(taken from the poem Eloisa to Abelard by Alexander Pope)

All of us are struggling with commitments.peers,moralities,ambitions.can we ever really understand the peace a new born child experiences?a virgin nun(vestal) has nothing to prove to anybody.her attire is white,with no spots.she chooses to salvage her ties with the world,and the world forgets her just as easily-because she has nothing left to give and take.she is useless to this society,she has no responsibilities,no expectations.the mind free of all expectations and commitments shall dwell in a world where there is ceaseless peace(sunshine,happiness).for such a mind shall submit each of its whims to itself,with no role played by any particular situation in the realisation of its wishes.such a mind will never have to worry about those wishes coming true either,because after submitting all those wishes,it will return back to its state of "eternal sunshine".



historically,the poem talks of Heloise(1101-64)an eighteen -year old beautiful and intelligent girl
,who fell in love with Abelard(1079-1142),a master scholar who was her teacher.the two had an affair while Abelard was staying at Heloise's uncle's place,and Heloise became pregnant.Abelard married her,but on a vow of secrecy,since he was bound to celibacy if he was to advance in the Church. Heloise's uncle Fulbert,however,was was not satisfied with this arrangement, and the relationship between the two men deteriorated to such an extent that Fulbert hired two ruffians, one of whom was Abelard's own servant, who broke into his bedroom one night and castrated him.
After that Abelard became a monk and forced Heloise to become a nun too,to repent for their sins. Initially he resided at the prestigious abbey of St Denis just outside of Paris, but following a series of confrontations with his superiors he left and established a small oratory which he named the Paraclete near Troyes. His former students soon discovered him there and encouraged him to keep teaching. They convinced him to drop his desires for a hermit's life, but before he left the Paraclete he brought Heloise there as an abbess of the nuns. Twelve years later Abelard's letter to his friend Plilintus provoked seven letters between Heloise and Abelard which re-evoked their past affections for each other. Three of the most ardent ones came from Heloise. Five hundred years later these letters were translated from latin to French and became popular during the latter part of seventeenth century France. By 1713 a famous scholar named John Hughes had translated and published the French version in England. Hughes was a friend of Pope's at the time and it was these translations that Pope based Eloisa to Abelard on.
Abelard and Heloise embody what one critic described as "sorrowing or rebellious love." Taking Heloise's three letters Pope recast them as a single epistle and changed the heroine's name to Eloisa.




The part of the poem above, from where the title of the movie" eternal sunshine of the spotless mind " is taken, are Heloise's ironic reflections on her life as a nun,and her fading memories.Throughout the poem she expresses a deep conflict between her love for Abelard and her devotion to God. The fact that both are painfully absent in her life magnifies the solitude of her life as a nun.
this is the thought that leads us to dwell on the counter-view,namely,does absence from every worldly commitment ensure happiness?it is a fact that a vestal's lot is indeed blameless,but does that ensure that the mind of hers resides in an "eternal sunshine"?the movie touches on all these very subtly,offering answers to some,and leaving the majority to be decided,or rather
felt,by us.Indeed ,the answers are highly subjective,and part of the superbness of the movie lies in acknowledging this fact.


none left to be



this crappy feeling is not new..i am not the same person i was once..whatever's left is a carcass of a selfish and hypocrytic loser.
pink floyd or cobain dont help this time..i am not comfortably numb..hugely irritated of myself..taking others for granted..i wish i were dead.

Where the f*ck have we landed!

the news piece of shit here says it all:
arguably the toughest grading system among the seven,and surely the most demanding academic expectations...and to put the ch'erie on the ice,profs ready to rip off your neck if they could...and they even dont want to change!

we're in the land of oz mate.

Survivor - Eye of the Tiger - Rocky IV


Rising up
back on the street
did my time,took my chances
went the distance
now i'm back on my feet
just a man,and and his will to survive..

So many times
it happens too fast
you trade your passion for glory
don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past
you must fight just to keep them alive..

It's the eye of the tiger
it's the thrill of the fight
rising up to the challenge of our rival
and the last known survivor
stalks his prey in the night

and he's watching us all with the eye
of the tiger

Face to face
out in the heat
hangin' tough
stayin' hungry
they stack the odds
still we take to the street
for the kill with the will to survive

It's the eye of the tiger
it's the thrill of the fight
rising up to the challenge of our rival
and the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night
and he's watchin us all with the eye...


one of the most inspiring tracks ever...

insecure?!...

this is my first post in a long time-the first this year.the posts have essentially been rare,and i guess i have always been to blogger in a state of emotional outburst,when i've got no one to talk to...and its a typical process at that-first music ,then the terrace, n then trying to sleep...its a predictable scene if i throw over my blanket at this point of time and drag my chair in front of my laptop, and yours truly has a new (usually pathetic ?) story to tell.
the last couple of weeks have been magnanimous-lots has happened-i guess i absorbed it all quite decently -maybe due to the fact that i was already mentally worn out to the point of exaustion-almost as if you keep on slapping a person in a state of trance he will probably feel sorry for some other guy he thinks is being slapped so ruthlessly-its only when he awakens the next day does the pain start registering-almost a good thing i suppose,except for the one swollen cheek.
its only when i've consciously begun to heed my actions nowadays that i feel more lost-and more vulnerable.my terrible academic performance this semester,papa being diaganosed with diabetes,the shooting up of my eyepower-almost to an alarming level-and on top of that the guilt that papa waited almost a year before getting his eyes checked-just because he wanted it done with me.the ignorance,despite the problems he was having maybe led him to the disease he dreaded the most.he took it in quite good spirit though,and in those couple of days i too was too busy with the various tests and formalities to really feel what was going on,but now, settling down in regular life over here,the facts have begun to register more brutally now-and have essentialy left me with a big void i just can seem to analyse or get over with.at least the last week here has been robotic for me -regular classes,friendly banter,regular mess food and sleeping early-everything the proper way.yet a feeling of aloofness constantly is there,as if im in a state of trance-i almost believe still now,writing this post,that i am describing the feelings of some other guy far away...as if all this is happening to some other person i am connected with,but,thankfully,not to me.


And i feel very insecure when this trance breaks momentarily sometimes.very very insecure indeed.