Attitude,fortresses and a confused ME.

While "Attitude to life" might have a different and pragmatic meaning in the dictionary of a literary whiz or a philosopher,for a layman,"Attitude" reflects behaviour-social traits et all.I shall be using the A-word here in that context-apologies to all the literally "correct" people out there,for I am an imperfect-not necessarily weak- person, and I just want to dole out a recurring issue,that haunts me every time I get hurt.

Most people maintain a certain attitude,when engaged socially,By all means,this makes them feel and look more confident than they actually are .The behaviour involves projecting oneself as a confident and no-needy person,careful enough to say not a thing which could give the upper hand to the person in front,or make him ridicule you.Again,this involves a lot of mind games at the subconscious level and verbal duels.

The answer i've asked myself again and again is,is it necessary to show this attitude to the ones you say you love too?

The answer,as I have seen from personal experience,is painfully,Yes.Otherwise,you will end up getting hurt,lots and lots of times.Let us summarise the philosophy of most people around me,in slightly less diplomatic terms:

Whether it be close friends,your lover,or anyone else,never lose your dignity.Dignity actually is an overhyped word which,in the urban vocabulary has gained a meaning much more than its dictionarial counterpart,in today's life maintaining your dignity means not changing your principles of living life or your behavioural or social overtones-even if they are wrong.You got to be difficult when someone tries discussing your problems.You got to have the upper hand in friendly jokes,at any costs,even by crassness or loudness.You got to do certain things,probably not because you like them,but because they will make you look more in control of your life.

Why this insecurity?Why not just be comfortable with who you are,and not bothering to be the upper hand or in-control person for once?If you are that good,it surely doesn't matter.Why this apathy to doing some things,or accepting some faults of yours,just because some other person suggested them and not you yourself?Even you don't believe in you,100%.Nobody does,and everybody knows at some point of time that this was a thing he/she screwed up.Yet,denial of that very fact for the fear of accepting weak,projecting yourself in-the-face as stronger and smarter than you know you are,this fake attitude,is one of the most irritating things i have come across.

But then again,i have been contemplating these things for the past several years now.With the exception of certain rare people i have been lucky enough to find,and in rare times,the way of the world doesn't change.Good or bad,Attitude helps.It is your fortress.

Stargazer..to Stardust

It was past 4 in the night,and this guy had had no sleep for almost two days straight now.As he lay passive,almost dead-still,amidst the smoke that surrounded him in a comfortable haze while threatening to strangle him some day,reflecting on the more trivial aspects that life continued to dish out for him with almost uncanny punctuality,along came
a most naked song,by the world's most loved rock band,at the most opportune moment.
The lines go thus:

Tough
You think you’ve got the stuff
You're telling me and anyone
You're hard enough

You don't have to put up a fight
You don't have to always be right
Let me take some of the punches
For you tonight

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

We fight
All the time
You and I, that’s alright
We're the same soul

I don't need
I don't need to hear you say
That if we weren't so alike
You would like me a whole lot more

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

This is it

I know that we don't talk
I am sick of it all
Can you hear me when I sing?
You are the reason I sing
You're the reason
Why the opera is in me

Where are we now?
Still got to let you know
A house doesn't make a home
Don't leave me here alone

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you that makes it hard to let go
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

Sometimes you can't make it
The best you can do
Is to fake it

Sometimes you can't make it on your own.

(Sometimes you can't make it on your own,by U2)

The high ride to Independence-and Freedom

It is true that cynicism does not help much,but is the single independence to rule our own roost worth celebrating at all when all around we see a society full of prejudices and chauvinism? Independence does not characterize India-we Indians do.If at all there is a more realistic concept of independence-its at the individual level.If at all the phenomenon called freedom exists,it exists at the personal level-and at the risk of being branded another worthless cynic,i think there are but a few of us who can assure their conscience of their objectiveness in opinions.There are but a few of us who are independent of their mindset,their nepotism,their chauvinism,even to some extent, in daily matters.The problem is essentially universal,and,even if i'm on a high,right now i strongly doubt the very worthiness of the word freedom.The concept might have various sensible implications,agreed,but right now the foundation seems to be a big utter void.I again affirm that this outburst has nothing to do with India-it is something which touches some straits of our persona across borders and against upbringing.And if this really is the case, is it not time we changed our perceptions,bit by bit?

How I would have loved to shread this post,bit by bit,no less...but would rather conclude as the great man himself did .Whether he shared my cynicism or not in the following lines is your take-

"...into that heaven of freedom,my Father,let my country awake..."

Amen.

not any more Mr.Thackrey !

Mr.Bal Thackrey,the leader of the Shiv Sena,vented his feelings once again for the maratha spirit.more of this shit here.

It is indeed pathetic and disgusting to hear such mindless nonsense from the people who are supposed to run the country on behalf of its masses. does Bal Thackrey have the power to hold his great maratha flag high if his state stops feeding on the funds and general development plan of the Indian Government?is Maharashtra so self-dependent?if not,what right does it have to be so self-obsessed?Maharashta,as it is,generates much more media hype than it truly deserves due to the hindi film industry and Mumbai being the financial capital.it is true that Bihar and UP are not so developed,but can Thackrey claim that his state's development is solely due to the native maharshtrians?or can Delhites claim that they developed their zone on their own?if yes,maybe they have the right to vent their dissatisfaction on the "spoiling" of their native soil.but as we all know,that is far from true.if the Biharis and UP "crass" people sweated it out to make mumbai and delhi the shining spectacles they are today(and probably they have more a contribution in this than the natives themselves),they have every right to settle there and enjoy the fruits of their labour.Developed centres are the way the modern world operates.Sovereignity is the founding pillar on which a certain country called India is based on,which,if Thackrey and a bunchful of"elite" Mumbaikars and Delhiites realise,gives Maharashtra,Delhi and Mumbai its identity.and wait,has someone read about a certain time some thousand years back when Patliputra,out there in the east, used to be the centre of all trade,learning and aristocracy?didnt people from all over the country used to flock over there then?hell,even foreigners paid regular visits.Tell me Mr.Thackrey,is it any different for Mumbai today than it was for Magadh at that time in those socio-political conditions?Or better to leave it,it is too much to ask of your mental maturity.all this started with Modi giving slogans of "Mera Gujarat" and other stuff.What bigger shame if the sons of this very country start giving wind to such blatant nonsense and not even realise their crassness! Regionalism can be used as a two-edged sword-it can be used to instigate one's passion for development,or it can used to spread kiddish fist-fights like these.The second ,if it continues this way undeterred,will lead us to a situation with the Chinese,Pakistanis and other competitors having the last laugh.The people need to be more aware of such people before repeatedly electing them as their representatives.It is indeed a shame.

none left to be

this crappy feeling is not new..i am not the same person i was once..whatever's left is a carcass of a selfish and hypocrytic loser.
pink floyd or cobain dont help this time..i am not comfortably numb..hugely irritated of myself..taking others for granted..i wish i were dead.

Where the f*ck have we landed!

the news piece of shit here says it all:
arguably the toughest grading system among the seven,and surely the most demanding academic expectations...and to put the ch'erie on the ice,profs ready to rip off your neck if they could...and they even dont want to change!

we're in the land of oz mate.

its public!

anyone visiting is welcome to drop in a tear..coz this pathetic punching bag-yours truly-has got just that one shame left to endure,n he wanna experience it all 'dough-all in this life only! :))

fed up of everything

the last two days have been nothing short of hell.... still survived..dont know how long can pull this through though...had faced this ordeal once beforehand...guess being a kid then helped..but unfortunately with the passing years while ive grown up physically the heart has refused to comply,stubbornly...its still fuckingly naive.n that doesnt help.
one gash was enough to test my spirits, god-i' wasnt ready as hell for another-whatever people say,or whatever i try to prove externally all the time-deep inside i know i'm not strong enough.havent been able to forget those nightmares i still get sometimes.
not gonna dive in that mess again-m not gonna get anyone get even remotely close to my vulnerable self.infact lets go on and live life king size dude-as my friends here say-its a fresh feeling of sorts-being all alone again..party hard,set your priorities,organise life..loads to do-but somehow the hitch stays-dont think i will be able to go on this time.
tell you what- i dont want to,either.